


I Could Eat You Up

by MistyBeethoven



Category: Agatha Christie's Poirot (TV)
Genre: Cunnilingus, Easter, Eating, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Little Red Riding Hood - Freeform, Rabbits, Underwear, Walks In The Woods, Wolves, Women's Underwear, sex in woods
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:14:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23635165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyBeethoven/pseuds/MistyBeethoven
Summary: After Arthur Hastings tries to save a bunny rabbit he found outside of Whitehaven Mansions from being eaten by Poirot, he tries to prove his accomplice Felicity Lemon wrong in her belief that he could *never* eat something he knew the name of.
Relationships: Arthur Hastings & Felicity Lemon & Hercule Poirot, Arthur Hastings & Hercule Poirot, Arthur Hastings/Felicity Lemon, Felicity Lemon & Hercule Poirot
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	I Could Eat You Up

**Author's Note:**

> Late Easter story. Well Easter only in the sense that it has a bunny rabbit in it.

"Captain Hastings! What on _earth_ is that!" Felicity Lemon exclaimed one morning as Arthur Hastings hurried into her office carrying a small, brown and furry object.

The Captain looked around and then leaned forward to whisper to the small red headed secretary that it was nothing less than a rabbit.

"I found it hopping around outside at the side of Whitehaven Mansions," Hastings explained further. "It must have wandered in from the country or woods a fair bit off."

"What on earth possessed you to bring it inside?!" she demanded, looking throughly displeased.

"Well Poirot eats this sort of thing," Arthur Hastings stated looking quite sad as he stroked the bunny's soft head. "It looked so helpless and lost in the city already that I felt just dreadful thinking that it would end up in one of Poirot's horrid dishes to top it all off."

Felicity shook her head. The Captain had too kind of a heart. "Yes but he would never kill one himself," she chastised. "He'd pay somebody to do it for him!"

"And the result is just the same," Hastings pouted. "I'd end up having to eat old Benny here and lie to Poirot about how it was the best bloody thing I'd ever tasted."

"Benny?" Felicity asked, raising her very thin eyebrows.

"Yes," Arthur stated, scratching behind his new friend's ears. "That's what I called him."

Miss Felicity Lemon sighed and took off her pair of glasses, laying them down gently on her desk. "There was you mistake right there Captain Hastings," she muttered. "A man like you can never eat that which it knows the name of."

* * *

It became a game between Miss Lemon and Captain Hastings to try to keep the presence of the rabbit from their employer until the Captain could drive it safely back into the forest at the end of the day. They kept it in the bathtub at first but whenever Hercule Poirot needed to use it, the closest of them to the little Belgium would distract him while the other had to dash and fetch the secret little short-tailed guest to hide somewhere else. This carried on all day, hiding Benny here and there throughout the apartment, until Poirot suddenly stood livid behind his desk.

" _Arretez_!" he proclaimed. "Poirot is getting tired of this. Do you think that he _comprennent pas ce quickly se passe_? You are intentionally trying to distract? _Porqoui_?"

Captain Hastings looked sheepishly at his friend and then apologized with equal bashfulness and regret. "Felicity! You might as well bring poor Benny out."

The secretary soon emerged with the rabbit nestled safely in the crook of her arm.

" _C'est lapin_!" Poirot proclaimed.

"I found Benny on the side lawn," Arthur explained. "I was going to return him to the woods after work."

Hercule Poirot minced away from his desk to come closer to study the rabbit. It looked at the detective with black and shining eyes, which glistened, its nose twitching as it studied the famous detective right back.

"Hastings, you called this rabbit Benny?"

"Yes."

"Benina would be more accurate. It is a female and she is _avec enfants_."

Both the Captain and his accomplice, Miss Lemon's, eyes enlargened. "How can you tell?"

Poirot looked proud and offered his friend a smug and wise smile. "My family raised rabbits."

"You aren't going to eat her, are you?" Hastings asked in worry.

Poirot shook his head. "I cannot eat what has a name."

"Told you," Miss Lemon stated, her boss' smugness catching on to her own face.

Arthur Hastings smiled in relief.

"Take her out to the forest now, both you and Miss Lemon," Poirot demanded with great authority. " _Lapins_ raise their young best in a setting _naturellement_."

With no argument, Arthur Hastings agreed with the order, dragging the more reluctant secretary along with him.

* * *

Out in a wooded area where Hastings suspected the rabbit had come from, Felicity joined the man in helping to release it. She was very grateful for the fact seeing as though rabbits, she had discovered, had little toilet sense and left their droppings wherever they so pleased. Still a worried thought occurred to her as she watched Benina hopping away, its little cottontail the last thing she ever saw of it before it leapt into some bushes.

"What's to stop it from coming right back to us?" she theorized.

"Oh...Something probably just scared it out of its natural habitat," Arthur mused.

"Yes," she stated unamused. "But _what_ if it happens again?"

"Oh right," Arthur said. "Well then we'll keep her."

The handsome, tall, lean Captain then looked shyly down at his friend. "Thanks ever so much Felicity for helping me out."

"My pleasure," she said, smiling up at him. "But see...I was right, wasn't I? Men like you and Mr. Poirot can never eat something once you've given it a proper name."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that," Hastings exclaimed.

"Why not?"

"I've been wanting to eat you since I first laid eyes on you, Felicity Lemon!" Arthur announced and started to kiss the much shorter woman with great intensity.

"Arthur Hastings!" Miss Lemon said when he'd released her. "What do you think you are doing?"

"I'm showing how wrong you can be, Felicity!" he replied. Grasping her tightly in his arms he fell on to the wood's leaf covered floor and rolled so that he was sucessfully on top of her. "I am going to eat you right up!"

Ever since she was a little red haired child, Miss Felicity Lemon had heard the tale of Little Red Riding Hood venturing into the forest with a male she had thought of as a friend but whom had only wanted to devour her. Now she was finding out how very true some fairy tales could be!

Arthur Hastings kissed her with a fiery passion and though she tried to push him off from her she soon felt the place between her legs urging her to let him continue right on doing so. Eventually her pushes became pulls as she held him closer to her small body, delighting in the way his hands were feeling her small breasts through her dress' thin fabric.

When he lowered his head, Arthur Hastings pushed his head into that same chest and he both bit and kissed her short little peaks.

"Ohhhh!" she cried, hoping the man would open her dress so she could feel his skin meeting hers.

Hastings had different plans, however. His lips ran down her torso until he came to her legs and pushed her dress up so her plain white knickers were revealed in the shadowed forest. With a lusty force, Arthur grabbed the piece of underwear and ripped them clean off. A sliver of light, which had found it's way through the leaves in the thick trees above them, shone straight on Felicity Lemon's now exposed vulva. She looked up to see Arthur Hastings staring at it hungrily as another Arthur must have cast his gaze on the light falling on a certain sword called Excalibur.

Only Arthur Hasting already possessed a sword.

Felicity was expecting him to unsheath his mighty weapon and use it on her but was surprised instead when he parted her legs and rammed his head into her bare crotch.

"Oohhhhh," Poirot's tiny secretary cried out for only the squirrels, rabbits and birds to hear.

Arthur had taken that naughty little bud she usually tried her best to ignore and was licking it all around.

"Do-don't do that!" she scolded. "It's dirty!"

Not heeding her lecture, he placed his tongue defiantly on the quickly swelling bud; his moist pink anatomy danced with her own swiftly growing redder one.

"Dirty dirty man!" she cried out in pleasure as she squirmed in the dirt and leaves.

Suddenly, Hastings wrapped his mouth around her clitoris and she thrusted her hips forward, enveloping his face further between her folds. A blaze started from each brush of his thin, confident lips, as if they were kindling and he was setting her nether regions on fire. In fact, when Felicity looked down the length of her body, her patch of wiry hair looked like a bush caught on fire. Seeing the top of Arthur's head as he was rubbing into her groin, however, only made the sensation of heat between her legs grow. As if to put the fire out, she felt something leaking out from her opening in an attempt to presumably cool it.

Aware that the bottom of his face was becoming even wetter, Arthur took his lips away from her delightfully pulsating clit and started to lap up the liquid gushing out of her, making the fire find no relief but burn ever brighter between her legs. Feeling Arthur's tongue daring to enter the place reserved between her legs for a penis , Miss Lemon felt the bushfire set ablaze once more and consume her equally as much as Arthur Hastings was doing. Her body reached a crescendo of blissful heat and her usually ordered mind went mad with chaotic ecstasy as her body convulsed, her bud performing a wild and solitary dance while her opening clamped down repeatedly on the tongue still probing lascivously inside of her.

After the final convulsion had passed and Arthur Hastings had licked up and swallowed every bit of fluid that had flooded out between her legs, even the stuff on her white folds, which usually sucessfully hid her most private of areas, the Captain looked up at her and licked his lips with gluttonous relish.

"And he _gobbled_ her all up; even if he did _know_ her name!" Arthur Hastings declared in victory, it finally being _his_ turn to be the smug one.


End file.
